The Return of Zod

"Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near..."


Sometimes little children go to hide and seek and you seek but can't find them. You think maybe they're lost, but maybe they've found something better for now or for forever or for a few months and want to be left alone to figure it all out. Or maybe you're lost. Or maybe you stopped looking. Or maybe the kid is behind a tree somewhere making it with that girl when all this time he thought that stuff only happened on TV or in the imaginary content of some blog.

Knock, knock. Yes, that's right. Someone is creeping about. "And we're all quiet as a mouse. Now that God is in the house..."

Where have I been? Well geez, I dunno. Texas and Texas. Boston a little. Home not enough. Things are pretty alright around here. I know I only have a little left to write tonight, even though my long absence from this forum would suggest that I would write something longer. My friend Melissa says my entries are too long and I fear that I am running the risk of losing her slight attention. Ordinarily, I'd say "fuck it". But Mel is awful pretty. And you just can't take the pretty girls in your life for granted. Aren't I nice? These last few months have been about me concluding the two and a half year search for the old "me" that I used to like and that you used to like and was popular at parties. I've been working on the gradual process of excavating "ROB" from the dark pit known as "rob". Of course, there are a few refinements I've hoped to make--especially in regard to strangers and friends. I've been on the eternal quest to find some real, honest to God kindness in my little Latino dirty heart. Because I think in the past I've been one of those tools who says, "I've done everything right and I've been good. So what the fuck is in it for me?"

And I really used to sit around and think that way. Of course, that's not really, truly good. That's an act. And that act leads you into the deepest of darkiestest places where you lose yourself and become a pussy and lose control and forget all that you weren't supposed to forget--the things you wake up with everyday that you touch and feel and hold onto in your soul the way you occasionally check your pockets just to make sure that your keys and your wallet are still there. Once they're lost, it takes a bit of time to get them back.

So I suppose that's mostly what this stupid blog has been. A way to amuse myself, to self-medicate in my own blowhard of a way. Alas, despite being asked no less that a dozen times these last few weeks if I'd "found a girl yet"--and indeed the police are kindly requesting that they call off the tri-county manhunt--I have not. Sometimes I think our society tricks its youthful adult population into the acceptance of a set of desired outcomes revolving around the same bullshit romantic comedy that Hollywood just won't give up on--an idea I've spoken of in this space before. Of course it wouldn't have mattered much for me in the last couple of years if I had "found a girl" because I didn't want a person, I wanted someone to replace someone I'd lost--when the entire time the problem I had had nothing to do with SOMEONE I'd lost, but the SOMETHING I'd lost around the age of 24 or so. MY BALLS.

So all this semi-sad sounding crap you've just read was all leading up to this. My balls have officially been recovered! Exploding high-fives all around! They were recovered in a lost and found in rural Utah at a truckstop frequented by trannies and methheads. How they got there, I have no clue. But a wise man never looks a gift horse in the mouth when he can get the milk for free. Or some such.

I haven't written a thing in months. And that bothered me because it wasn't bothering me. But as I've always said, I only write when I've got something to say. After a brief evening encounter with over-full pizza stomach and a slight case of sports heartbreak caused by the Cowboys secondary, I crawled in bed before these words jumped into my head.

I am older. I am wiser. I am different because I'm back to being the same old me. I don't need a drink, I want one. Same goes for people and pussy and power. I am happy and completely unsatisfied. I am content but still horny for your love and attention. I am hunting and hoping, laughing and fighting. I have taken the Old Spice Challenge, turned Coke to Pepsi, slain the dragon, and plunged a spike in Dracula's heart. I will fight most of you, fuck some of you, and love all of you. I am home and I don't want to ever leave again.

More sooner than previous soons...


Album of the Week: "In Rainbows"

Artist: Radiohead

Song Highlights: There isn't one song lacking some greatness or genius on the album. Buy it.




Song of the Day: "God Is In the House"

Artist: Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Album: "No More Shall We Part"

Lyric of Possible Relevance:

" Well-meaning little therapists
Goose-stepping twelve-stepping Tetotalitarianists
The tipsy, the reeling and the drop down pissed
We got no time for that stuff here
Zero crime and no fear
We've bred all our kittens white
So you can see them in the night
And at night we're on our knees
As quiet as a mouse
Since the word got out
From the North down to the South
For no-one's left in doubt
There's no fear about
If we all hold hands and very quietly shout
Hallelujah
God is in the house
God is in the house
Oh I wish He would come out
God is in the house."