Rob at 29

Told you I was close to the stage at Radiohead...

1.  No one feels worse about the lies told regarding the update of this thing more than I do.  I'm a lefty and have been told for most of my life that the creative right side of my brain would rule so much of my destiny.  But I can't paint and I can't play an instrument like my mother and brother.  I always thought that writing could be MY bit. Though more often than not I have found it to be some sort of poor man's salvation for a conflicted soul like mine since the question of being "good" or not isn't really something I'll ever know the answer to.  So writer's block has sorta given me the feeling that Bart Simpson had in that one episode of The Simpsons when he sold his soul to Milhouse.  I haven't slept well in months and the dreams I had of rowboating to that magical island of fun sure felt like nightmares.  My life has been pretty decent during this time, but I've felt the teetering effect of my inability to say anything about so much.

2.  I turn 29 on the 19th of next month and will embark on the final year of my twenties wondering honestly if I'm behind or just impatient.  I think it might be both, though curiously I feel this sensation less than I did when I was 26.

3.  I went to Jimmy's Egg yesterday morning after being unable to sleep.  I saw one of those goody and clean young Christian couples dressed in Sunday best taking in a meal before church.  I've so often mocked the "waiting for marriage, one-woman man, monogamous, true love waits" types as being naive and antiquated.  But there was a time when I wanted to be a good kid, too.  I wanted to wait. I wanted to find a nice PG-rated love that would last.  I wanted to go to church with my wife and talk about family less as some sort of abstract notion and more as an unquestioned duty to embrace.  For half an hour, I ate my waffle and wished a little for a life like theirs more than I care to admit.

4.  Since I last wrote, I've moved into a brand new place in midtown, Oklahoma City.  It is a beautiful two story loft apartment.  I have stained concrete floors downstairs, bamboo wood floors upstairs, the most kickass bathroom ever, a study, new appliances, and a sense of optimism rooted in the place one dwells that I've never had.  This is the first place of mine I've ever been truly proud of.  There are so many windows and so much natural light, I never realized how dark my old place was until I moved here.  The light makes me happy.  Sometimes I sit out on my porch where I can stare at downtown at night with a beer in my hand and my thoughts in my lap and feel ready to accept my life as it is presently constituted.  And girls totally dig my place.  Just ask my mom.

5.  I just got back from New York a few weeks ago where I visited my brother.  He played his graduate trombone recital and I've never felt so cool in all my life due to my association with a person the way I did when I was there.  Recently spending time with my brother for a few days finally confirmed something I've suspected for a long time.  He is my best friend as much as he is my brother now--which is a revelation because for about half my life I wouldn't have considered him a friend.  But I think I'm glad he lives in New York and not here.  If he was here, all the girls would go for him and I'd be left with none and then I'd hate him again and then we'd be back to square one.  And yeah, I really did used to hate him.  One time, we had a "Swingers-style" fight over a video hockey game on our Sega--years before that movie was released.  My bitch-ass brother turned all the trade restrictions off and created an all-star team and played against my more "pure" Boston Bruins team that wasn't as good but which certainly had the edge in integrity.  There's no bigger turning point for a big brother than when your little brother starts beating you at stuff--but that was bullshit because of his fake, bullshit team.  And we even got in actual physical altercations over that and the use by both of us of the "instant replay" feature on the game that we used to taunt one another.  John, you were such a motherfucker.  I'm glad to see you've moved on from that and aren't living in the past and have turned into a cool guy who doesn't dwell on such things.  Dick.  And I love you.

6.  New albums I've purchased recently that are good because I like them and hence you have no need to question:

   The Black Lips--"Los Valientes del Mundo Nuevo": These guys scare me the way GNR did when I first heard them at age 8--and I can't get enough.

   The Black Lips--"Let it Bloom"

   The King Khan & BBQ Show--S/T: Cool garage rock by two guys that sound straight out of the 60s.

   The King Khan & BBQ Show--"What's For Dinner?"

   

Joy Division--"Unknown Pleasures": Judge this one by its cover--it really is that good.

   Joy Division--"Closer": Haunting and rocking.  Listen to this in small doses.

   Phantom Planet--"Raise the Dead": My solid pop rock guilty pleasure.  These guys have yet to make a bad record.

   Titus Andronicus--"The Airing of Grievances":  Imagine Bright Eyes if he was any good, could rock, and had balls.  Then you'd have Titus Andronicus.

   The Whigs--"Mission Control": Just a good, solid rock band without all the pretense.

   Daft Punk--"Alive 2007": They never stopped being greatness and it is a crime I've never seem them live--this album is the next best thing.

   Pete and the Pirates--"Little Death": If you dig Franz Ferdinand, this is that band stripped down to a simpler, less produced form.

7.  If you have a pulse and know me, you've heard me incessantly ramble on about Radiohead.  I'll keep it short.  Best concert I've ever seen.  Best concert ever experience.  My music pants didn't go back to their normal size for almost a week.  A picture to share:

 Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood performing "Faust Arp".  Yep, that close.

8.  OK, I lied.  One more thing on Radiohead.  When you have a favorite band who you've loved for almost a decade and a half and you've never seen them live--well let's just say there's plenty of room for disappointment.  But somehow, they managed to exceed all of my expectations.  Whether you love Radiohead, hate them, or feel completely indifferent about them, you must admire their commitment to music.  They are never in the tabloids, they don't date celebrities, they're not in and out of rehab--they genuinely seem in this for the music and not "the life".  Don't get me wrong, they're happy to make a pretty penny I'm sure.  But they are pretty unassuming guys (well maybe except for the iconic Thom Yorke) who are mostly married and to non-famous women, have kids, don't do tons of interviews, keep to themselves, and put out a new album every four years or so.  And the wait sometimes frustrates me, but I never doubt that they put a ton of work into perfecting it to their liking.  I think they call that "integrity".  Seeing them live confirmed that as I watched them play a full 24 song set which included two encores, and not a bit of "half assed-ness" or "mailing it in" (I'm talking to you, Red Hot Chili Peppers).  They seemed to have a sense of how special it was to the people at their show to be exactly where they were that night and they consistently showed their appreciation and I was close enough to catch the smiles of joy they'd occasionally crack as they must have marveled at the greatness of being able to do exactly what you want to do better than anyone else in the world and be appreciated and loved for it.  

9.  The only thing cooler than standing by the front of the stage at a Radiohead concert is standing by the stage with two great friends who appreciate the experience as much as you do.  I'm sure that they can relate to the super gay feelings I was having at the time for the band.  Right?  Yeah.  I mean, I'm really sure they can.  I mean, not actually gay.  Just sort of actually gay.  I mean, it was Thom Yorke.  Like you wouldn't lust a little.  Fuck all of you.

10.  There is no city on earth who relies so heavily on tourism and yet whose residents loathe ac

tual tourists like New York.  

11.  I couldn't find one wasted inch of space in New York.  I once remarked that while looking at Manhattan from a distance, there was so much "much" that my heart felt like it might cave in.  New Yorkers think Texans are idiots for their seeming obsession with how "everything is bigger in Texas".  But New Yorkers love, hate, and are addicted to New York for the same fucking reason.  They wear it like a badge of honor wherever they go and many won't let you hear the end of it.

12.  After spending a considerable amount of time on the New York subway system, I'm convinced that the I-pod was invented for the people riding the train.  People in New York are used to being crammed in with one another while having absolutely no desire for eye contact or discussion with one another.  Now they have a soundtrack to the movie that is their life--where of course that person is the star.  This isn't a uniquely New York thing.  Too many of us are guilty of living life like we're the star of our own self-important and pretentious indie film.  I've certainly been guilty of this.  But I've come to the conclusion that my movie is an incoherent mess that started off strong but is starting to stray from any sort of solid plot structure.  This is what I thought to myself as I listened to my MP3 player on the subway in New York and watched everyone else doing the same thing while making no eye contact and not saying a word to anyone.   

13.  As you count each of the numbers in this blog, I want you to use The Count from Sesame Street as the voice in your head.  "Thirteen!  Thirteen random musings from Rob!  Ah, ah, ah, ah!"

14.  I've officially lost 30 pounds since the beginning of 2007.  Of course, I also have less hair than I used to have.  But I'm not sweating it.  Bald and thinner Rob is just fine by me.  Besides, I once smoked out with this girl who told me that I had a great-shaped head and that I would look sexy if I went completely bald.  So the experts have weighed in.  

15.  The next time she gives me the opportunity and if I'm still single (and maybe even if I'm not), I'm gonna stop thinking and give it a shot.  If I can survive the devil herself, I can make it through any breakup from this point on.  So no need to be scared.

16.  I recently hooked up with this Republican chick who I thought was reserved and introverted.  Have you ever been so wrong about a girl that you not only were shocked by how wrong you were but were also scared that if you ever saw her again she might do you bodily harm in some sick "Fatal Attraction"-esqe manner so it is probably best to not tempt fate and accept that some things were meant to happen ONLY once?  Of course you have.  Totally.

17.  My professional life has never been better.  I'm not saying that Jesus asked God to put me on this earth as the example for all other professionals in my field to show the path to salvation or anything.  I mean, I've heard other people say that about me.  But I'm not saying that.

  So I think things are decent, I suppose.

18.  I was at the bar the other night talking with a casual acquaintance of  mine I've known for a few months when we somehow stumbled on the fact that he is friends with my ex-fiancée.  He admitted that he was shocked because I wasn't "nearly as big an asshole" as he had been led to believe by her.  There are some compliments that just somehow mean more than others.  Oh, and he also told me that her boyfriend is that prick who she swore up and down she was just "good friends" with even though I suspected she was lying.  Validation is the world's sweetest refreshment.

19.  "Iron Man" was the most entertaining superhero movie I've seen since "Batman Begins".  Robert Downey, Jr. is the man I hope to become--at least without all of the felony drug convictions.

20.  I'd like to put out an APB for Dara.  Is she still alive?  Someone let me know.  There is no cure for a rock solid male-female friendship like a boyfriend.

21.  My best friend Shannon is getting married two days after my birthday.  He has informed me that it is my duty to try to talk him out of it the day before.  I shall embrace the resemblance I have to Vince Vaughn as passionately as any role I've ever played.  It's the least I can do since I'm paying for the tux.  Shannon is lucky I love him this much.

22.  Shannon's fiancée informed me that Shannon will NOT be having a bachelor party.  Of course he staunchly supports this plan, but part of me knows he is dying inside.  Hey Shannon, I'll do my best to steal your balls back from your lovely bride at some point before the wedding.  Also, let these words serve as notice that under NO circumstances are you to NOT provide me with a bachelor party.  I will definitely want one no matter what I might say in the future unless I've somehow miraculously lost my senses of sight, smell and touch.  Hell, I'd like one now in the way that most women would like a wedding just so they could get a bunch of free shit.  Don't let me down.  God help you if you let me down.

23.  My friend Melissa recently lost her job but even more recently found a new and better one.  Hey Mel, now that you're not poor anymore, I am happy to let you buy ME some beers.  That is how happy I am for your good fortune.

24.  Out of the sheer boredom that comes with the summer slow-down at work, I've joined Facebook.  Boy, Facebook sure does update you on EVERYTHING your friends are doing.  I'd say there's nothing cooler than being alerted to the new pictures your ex-girlfriend has posted of her and her new boyfriend on their romantic getaway trip after telling you that law school would keep her too busy for relationships this year.  Social networking ensures the kick in the nuts in previous years you would have easily dodged.  I'm sure it adds character.

25.  I don't care what kind of sicko fuck Michael Jackson has become in the last 20-25 years.  "Rock With You" is still one of the greatest songs ever.

26.  The record player I received as a housewarming gift has further cemented my music superiority over you.  I know!  I didn't think I could be anymore insufferable about my music than I was before.  But God has a way of correcting you sometimes, eh?

27.  I have a slight thing for this kickass girl at work in Human Resources.  Talk about a dangerous proposition.  If she digs me back, all is good.  If not, I'll be spending three days in some sort of sexual harassment in the workplace seminar.  Man, that's hot.

28.  I never thought I'd enjoy drinking scotch (or is it Scotch?).  But that was the second-best housewarming gift I received and I keep hearing Ron Burgundy in my head everytime I get home from work, sit on my couch and have a glass.  There's nothing funnier than a joke about drinking alone and voices in your head, eh?

29.  Rob.  Accurate title.

And now, for no reason whatsoever, Kristen Bell: