This is what I will do with the most boring Saturday ever. And write. You're welcome.
I'd say the weekend started looking down before it even got started. I was having a drink with a former co-worker on Thursday and things were just peachy when my most recent ex walked in. Another awkward exchange. Another instance where my first instinct is to lust for what I no longer have, followed by regret, followed by the memory of all the reasons we broke up, and ending with a strange emotional cocktail of resigned torture. It all sucks, but you know it can't really be any other way. They say that the best revenge is living well. Which I think is stupid. The best revenge is slam dunking a basketball on someone who has wronged you. But I suppose living well comes pretty close. I'm not sure if she's living well, but she's always looking well and posting plenty of Facebook status messages that suggest her world is one huge party without me. So in a strange way, I comfort myself with the knowledge that our breakup couldn't have been so bad since the fun has apparently kicked into overdrive for her since I exited her life.
Album for Writing Tonight: "Portishead" by Portishead
Mood: Anxious, impatient, bored out of my fucking skull
My mid-price bargain merlot is actually doing the trick just a bit. I guess it's sort of a smooth jazz, wine-drinking evening for me. I was already passed out at this point 24 hours ago due to some bad judgement which followed some heavy drinking. Let's just say I endulged in an "artifical flotation" device and endulged a little too much. So wine seems like a much more reasonable, low-risk alternative. So back to the original thought. We were talking about Facebook or girls or some shit, right? Ok...
So I spend too much time on Facebook when I have nothing to do. It is the headquarters of boredom, the title sponsor of slack, and the capital of superficiality. And I know this and I--like most of you--have an unhealthy attachment to it. The more time I spend on there, the more I notice the little nuances of it. You know how often times when you observe something simple that it gets more complex and fascinating? I find that Facebook actually becomes dumber the more you examine it. A couple of examples:
Example #1: The status message
I'm convinced that the status message that people update is almost always rooted in five basic categories.
1. The status message as an update on what you're doing or what you have
2. The status message as an update on what you want others to believe you're doing or have
3. The status message as a statement of how cool you believe you are (song lyric, this week's funny quote from 30 Rock and/or The Office)
4. The status message as a weapon (letting your ex know how much fun you're having, telling someone who has wronged you that you are better because you're slamming them on Facebook, etc.)
5. The status message as an emotional response (politicians suck, OU can't win a bowl game, Obama rocks, this concert changed my life, Rob touched me and I liked it, etc.)
The status message is a great and terrible thing. It is the most powerful instrument we now possess to broadcast the mundane going-ons of our life. So if I'm stuck with it--we're stuck with it--let's have more fun with it. I'm going to start doing more bits with my status message. Weird non sequitors, rhymes that serve no purpose, or observations about things that have nothing to do with me. Because really, no one gives a shit that I'm "happy about how great work is going" or that "I'm going to the dentist today" or that "I've been cleared of all charges". So let's see how much fun we can have, eh?
Example #2: Fan subscription
Sometimes when I get bored on Facebook and am out of new "friends" to make, I find comfort in the knowledge that I can gain membership in a variety of fan clubs. Did you know that at this very moment, you can "become a fan of" all of these things: food, sleep, air, America, Jesus, Santa Claus, AND Eagles (the bird, the shitty lame rock band, or the football team) You can also be a fan of peace, peace of mind, pizza, and of course--sluts. I think I'm going to write down every part of my body I like and create a Facebook fan club for it. I can't wait to see how many of you become a fan of Rob's Sweet Puerto Rican Ass. Or Rob's left hand. (Insert several hand-related jokes here).
Record change.
Now listening to: "Off the Wall" by Michael Jackson
As the smooth sounds of the greatest disco album ever (the Bee Gees can suck on my disco balls) begins to combine with the warm feeling that merlot gives you...
So I literally stopped in mid-sentence to take three and half minutes in order to dance to all of "Rock With You". I never feel more Latino than at those moments. Thank you, wine. And 21 year old, still black and cool and great Michael Jackson.
Anyway, I recently participated in the Oklahoma City Pub Crawl for Cancer. Which now that I think about it was flawed on several levels. A) It is always somewhat odd to pair a highly unhealthy, chemically addictive and intoxicating activity like binge drinking to a healthy cause like cancer research. But what the hey, right? B) The event required us to go to several different bars and pubs around downtown Oklahoma City and drink a certain amount of beer. But I'm pretty sure that we drank the same shitty, watered-down Coors Light at each stop. So what was the point of going to different pubs with their specialty brews if we were just going to drink the same beer? Couldn't we have all just gathered in one place, drank our crap beer, and gotten hammered? Hey, at least that way I might have had the chance to get to know some of the other "charitable" women and maybe stumble into a bad decision or two. But I digress.
The event left me feeling understandably sick and I made the decision this past Monday to not drink beer for two weeks, just to see if I could. And because the idea of it still grosses me out a little. It's sorta like if I had decided to give a hot dog eating contest a try and I got really sick. There's a decent chance I might stay away from hot dogs for a while. Same applies here. But I'm also doing it to see what kind of effect less time at the bar, more meals at home, and the absence of beer in my diet will do for me. I exercise, but lately I've felt sluggish and a tad on the unsexy side of life.
Record change.
Now listening to: "In Ear Park" by Department of Eagles
Today is Saturday and I have to admit that I'm physically feeling better. I've lost about five pounds and I feel less lethargic. It's my little mini-Lent. Let's see how it goes. I've found that the occasional break from things and places and people is good for me. I'm alone right now, but it really is ok. I seem unable to find much purpose when I'm distracted by too many people. So this little break from the norm might be the break I'm looking for.
That's all from Midtown for now. For those of you who get to see your mothers for Mothers' Day--cut the cord already! Geez. I'm only kidding. Moms are great. But you can go to hell for leaving me with nothing better to do on a Saturday night than to write this stupid blog. Fuckers. I mean, I love you. Super swear. I guess.
Album for Writing Tonight: "Portishead" by Portishead
Mood: Anxious, impatient, bored out of my fucking skull
My mid-price bargain merlot is actually doing the trick just a bit. I guess it's sort of a smooth jazz, wine-drinking evening for me. I was already passed out at this point 24 hours ago due to some bad judgement which followed some heavy drinking. Let's just say I endulged in an "artifical flotation" device and endulged a little too much. So wine seems like a much more reasonable, low-risk alternative. So back to the original thought. We were talking about Facebook or girls or some shit, right? Ok...
So I spend too much time on Facebook when I have nothing to do. It is the headquarters of boredom, the title sponsor of slack, and the capital of superficiality. And I know this and I--like most of you--have an unhealthy attachment to it. The more time I spend on there, the more I notice the little nuances of it. You know how often times when you observe something simple that it gets more complex and fascinating? I find that Facebook actually becomes dumber the more you examine it. A couple of examples:
Example #1: The status message
I'm convinced that the status message that people update is almost always rooted in five basic categories.
1. The status message as an update on what you're doing or what you have
2. The status message as an update on what you want others to believe you're doing or have
3. The status message as a statement of how cool you believe you are (song lyric, this week's funny quote from 30 Rock and/or The Office)
4. The status message as a weapon (letting your ex know how much fun you're having, telling someone who has wronged you that you are better because you're slamming them on Facebook, etc.)
5. The status message as an emotional response (politicians suck, OU can't win a bowl game, Obama rocks, this concert changed my life, Rob touched me and I liked it, etc.)
The status message is a great and terrible thing. It is the most powerful instrument we now possess to broadcast the mundane going-ons of our life. So if I'm stuck with it--we're stuck with it--let's have more fun with it. I'm going to start doing more bits with my status message. Weird non sequitors, rhymes that serve no purpose, or observations about things that have nothing to do with me. Because really, no one gives a shit that I'm "happy about how great work is going" or that "I'm going to the dentist today" or that "I've been cleared of all charges". So let's see how much fun we can have, eh?
Example #2: Fan subscription
Sometimes when I get bored on Facebook and am out of new "friends" to make, I find comfort in the knowledge that I can gain membership in a variety of fan clubs. Did you know that at this very moment, you can "become a fan of" all of these things: food, sleep, air, America, Jesus, Santa Claus, AND Eagles (the bird, the shitty lame rock band, or the football team) You can also be a fan of peace, peace of mind, pizza, and of course--sluts. I think I'm going to write down every part of my body I like and create a Facebook fan club for it. I can't wait to see how many of you become a fan of Rob's Sweet Puerto Rican Ass. Or Rob's left hand. (Insert several hand-related jokes here).
Record change.
Now listening to: "Off the Wall" by Michael Jackson
As the smooth sounds of the greatest disco album ever (the Bee Gees can suck on my disco balls) begins to combine with the warm feeling that merlot gives you...
So I literally stopped in mid-sentence to take three and half minutes in order to dance to all of "Rock With You". I never feel more Latino than at those moments. Thank you, wine. And 21 year old, still black and cool and great Michael Jackson.
Anyway, I recently participated in the Oklahoma City Pub Crawl for Cancer. Which now that I think about it was flawed on several levels. A) It is always somewhat odd to pair a highly unhealthy, chemically addictive and intoxicating activity like binge drinking to a healthy cause like cancer research. But what the hey, right? B) The event required us to go to several different bars and pubs around downtown Oklahoma City and drink a certain amount of beer. But I'm pretty sure that we drank the same shitty, watered-down Coors Light at each stop. So what was the point of going to different pubs with their specialty brews if we were just going to drink the same beer? Couldn't we have all just gathered in one place, drank our crap beer, and gotten hammered? Hey, at least that way I might have had the chance to get to know some of the other "charitable" women and maybe stumble into a bad decision or two. But I digress.
The event left me feeling understandably sick and I made the decision this past Monday to not drink beer for two weeks, just to see if I could. And because the idea of it still grosses me out a little. It's sorta like if I had decided to give a hot dog eating contest a try and I got really sick. There's a decent chance I might stay away from hot dogs for a while. Same applies here. But I'm also doing it to see what kind of effect less time at the bar, more meals at home, and the absence of beer in my diet will do for me. I exercise, but lately I've felt sluggish and a tad on the unsexy side of life.
Record change.
Now listening to: "In Ear Park" by Department of Eagles
Today is Saturday and I have to admit that I'm physically feeling better. I've lost about five pounds and I feel less lethargic. It's my little mini-Lent. Let's see how it goes. I've found that the occasional break from things and places and people is good for me. I'm alone right now, but it really is ok. I seem unable to find much purpose when I'm distracted by too many people. So this little break from the norm might be the break I'm looking for.
That's all from Midtown for now. For those of you who get to see your mothers for Mothers' Day--cut the cord already! Geez. I'm only kidding. Moms are great. But you can go to hell for leaving me with nothing better to do on a Saturday night than to write this stupid blog. Fuckers. I mean, I love you. Super swear. I guess.
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1 comment:
I concur with your feelings of the unhealthy obsession that is Facebook. If there's one thing that bugs me it's that people think we care that they are "going running, then shower, then drinks with the girls!" People take the whole status thing way too seriously. Lame.
PS-I prefer Cabernet to Merlot, but you can't really go wrong with red wine! Cheers Rob.
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