Wednesday's Child On Vacation

I started wondering as I looked at my last few posts if I had written a thing worth a shit lately. I then realized two things: 1) Probably not. 2) The movie about Elvis I'm watching is featuring a slew of really bad acting.

So I told my therapist today about how the last thing I put on here that got significant response was a really long drawn out description of the "Great Final Closure" of my "Ex-True Love" on "The Great Big Trip to Texas". That my friends, is what we call "personal". And I was convinced none of you wanted "personal". So I haven't been "personal". Will I set a record for the use of "quotation marks" in one paragraph?

And then tonight, as I sat and ate my mac and cheese with delight (the spirals are my favorite), I realized that it doesn't really matter what you want. Don't get me wrong, I "love"--I mean love--you guys. And I'm sure my bullshit rants will certainly draw a giggle or two along the way (as well as my pictures of hot girls which will most likely return next week). But to expectations I say "fuck all". Fuck. All.

Have you ever been at peace and fed up all at once? I'm at peace because I finally got fed up. And acted. So how have I been since the "Big Life-Altering Heartbreaking Fuck of a Thing"? Honestly? Pretty damned good. I am "free, so free".

I am free of bullshit running my life. I'm free of the need to play games. I'm free of being dictated to. I'm free of trying to analyze the people that surround me because if I have to analyze you, I've lost interest. I'm free of having to come up with pretext. Every word, every action, every inquiry from me is coming from the best sort of honesty. I thank all of you who have been there for me lately. But I don't need pity, I don't need coddling, I don't need niceities. I only need genuine in exchange for genuine. I don't have time for games. I only have time for fun and time for substance. Sometimes it will be deep. Sometimes it will be shallow. Sometimes we'll talk about nothing. Sometimes we'll talk about something. But it will always be worthy. If it's not, I'll yawn and go have a drink.

I'm issuing this statement so that all of you can count on me as much as I count on you. If I seek you out, it's because I want to. I can't worry about how you interpret it or what message it sends. If you don't want my company, let me know because I assure you I'll let you know if I don't want yours. Freedom is found in the greatness of doing whatever feels like greatness to you. Tonight I write exactly what I want, say exactly what I want, and AM exactly what I want.

All of you who read this mean something to me in some way. I spent too long talking a lot without saying shit. Now I'm saying something--whatever it is worth. You have every right to take from this what you will. "Rob's on a rant. Rob seems a little crazy." Well, ranting feels real good. And I've always been a little crazy. If there's one thing I can convey, it's this: Everything is personal. And if it's not, it ought to be.

I'll always keep it interesting for you. Please try to do the same for me. If you do, we'll have a hell of a time (And hanging out with me is cool, especially when I'm wearing a suit. Shit I look good in a suit)......

Song of the Day: "Decent Days and Nights"

Artist: The Futureheads

Album: The Futureheads

Lyric of Possible Relevance:

"If you're meant to be here and you want to be late
The best thing you can do is get lost on the way
I can see that you look confused and you dont know what to do
Say what you see, what you like
If you work it out tell me what you find
We can have a few decent days and nights."