Wednesday's Child OR The Girl Who Sorta Makes My Pants Go Crazy This Week

Bada bing.


Elmsford, New York--After having just finished a lovely pizza from San Gennaro's, I decided I should reflect on my short time so far here in New York.

So as I sat down to type, there was so much to consider. I could talk about all of the little cultural differences here I noticed--the way the women here are EXTREMELY forward, the accents (my God, it's like I'm stuck in a really boring episode of The Sopranos), the way that people here don't like to make eye contact, don't want you to say hello unless you've got a reason, etc. There's a chill here that I can't totally describe. This is not to say that I haven't met some really nice people. It just means that any friendliness I receive is because people want something. Not good, not bad, just New York... I could talk about my travel thus far. I could talk about the way that I was "randomly" selected to be SO thoroughly searched at Oklahoma City's Will Rogers Airport and the way that the security officer who was searching me for hidden weapons was also trying to goad me into making jokes about the integrity of the airport security inspection process.

Sgt. Dickhead: This isn't the first time you've been selected for inspection?
Me: Nope. As long as I've got dark skin and dark hair, I'm sure it won't be the last.
Sgt. Dickhead: Oh, so you think you've been targeted, eh? You think you're being discriminated against?
Me: (Smiling SO uncomfortably) No man, I was just joking around. I'm all about the safety of our air travel.
Sgt. Dickhead: No, no. Come on, you're such a comedian. I wanna hear some more, Funnyman.

I thought about making some joke about how "funny" it is that our national security is left up to people who may or may not have a GED hanging on the wall. But I thought better of it. Dill.

So yeah, I could have written about that and about how I had to contort my body to a 90 degree angle while attempting to take a piss in the airplane "lavatory" or about how the guy sitting next to me on the plane spilled his sandwich in my lap. But then...

Brent called. He reminded me that it was Wednesday and that I better have a girl finished before I went to bed. I immediately thought of the words of E.L. (A.K.A. Stifler) in the movie "Road Trip" when Brent's words echoed in my ears: "Gentlemen, it's....Boner Time."

And thus I present you with this week's Wednesday's Child, the highly New York, highly Italianosexual, Jamie Lynn Sigler. Jamie stars as the most forbidden of fruits, Meadow Soprano, in the aforementioned HBO series, "The Sopranos". Jamie is one of those New York girls that I definitely could take orders from for the rest of my life. She is in one sense bright and articulate and in another a totally mean bitch who wouldn't be afraid to slap me around or to have the men she knows do it for her. The combination of her sweet eyes and her extra hard sweet body make her into an Italian sexual tornado of lustfulness and greatness that I am surely not worthy of.

She is stylish, beautiful, tough, and has no reason to bullshit with the likes of me unless there's something in it for her (oh and there SO would be). In short, Jamie Lynn IS New York. And much like a porn star, she's nice to look at while you're excited, but you'll probably want to turn her off a couple minutes later. So I guess New York is like porn and I am like a masturbator with a short attention span--it has been fun, but I'm ready to get back to the real world...

Either way, the gorgeous Jamie Lynn Sigler (who is now married and wants to go by Jamie Lynn Discala but she can kiss my ass because NONE of my girls are married) makes a highly sexual and worthy W.C.O.T.G.W.S.M.M.P.G.C.T.W.

Song of the Day: "Meadowlake Street"

Artist: Ryan Adams & The Cardinals

Album: Cold Roses

Lyric of Possible Relevance:

"Under the stars shining down every one for you
If I could count them all I would circle the moon
And count 'em back to nothing till I got to you."