Nothing is More Overrated Than Death and Disease. Except Maybe U2.

As many of you know, my life is quite obviously working toward a crescendo of success, fame, money and all that that implies. It is hard to imagine that I will find a way to mess it all up since I'm so great. However if I am plagued by a sudden downturn into mediocrity or am caught up in some sort of nasty scandal, I know the solution--and I can assure you I will be praying real hard for it.

"Dear God, I thank You for all that forgiveness and stuff you give me. But what I really need is for everyone else to forget that I'm no longer that great and to erase any faults of mine they may have etched in their memory. In short, as Your humble servant, I pray for terminal illness! Or even just a quick--but tragic for sure--death will do. Thank you, God."

I'm not sure if this is all something uniquely American, but there is something mightily fucked up about our society and the way we completely overrate someone after their death and the way we wipe the slate clean with someone once they get (insert your own terminal illness here).

For years I've been saying that there is no greater fraud of an awards show than the Grammys (apparently a lot of people agree with me this year: http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/T/TV_LIVELY_GRAMMYS?SITE=1010WINS&SECTION=ENTERTAINMENT&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT). And why is this so? With few exceptions, the major Grammy awards each year go to artists who fall into one of three categories:

1. An artist whose songs have beaten everyone into submission on Top 40 radio and have found a way to also infiltrate TV shows, commercials, and every restaurant you happen to eat at (Moby, Ricky Martin, Santana, Shakira ring a bell?). There's a good chance they've been asked to play the Super Bowl halftime show, have already guest hosted TRL, and have a ringtone that makes you want to take that little bastard's phone and shove it--well, you get the picture. We only pray that a Grammy will grant us a reprieve from hearing anything from them for a while. Hey, it worked with Milli Vanilli.

2. U2. The Grammys don't let the fact that the band peaked with the Joshua Tree back in 1987 prevent them from handing over awards as easily and eagerly as Paris Hilton handed over her virginity. U2 epitomizes a band that was once truly great that is now just good but will be recognized as great regardless. This is exactly the kind of artist/group the Grammys exist for. What's your cause this week Bono? Nice sunglasses! Dill.

3. The Dead, Recently Deceased, or Dying. Hey folks. Ray Charles was once great. He is truly a legend and it could be argued that he was transcendental. But the man hasn't had a hit in thirty years. Are you going to tell me that his last album that was released just before his death is suddenly some revelation that merits music's supposedly highest honor? I don't think even the dead Ray Charles would say that this was his best work. Ray Charles--dead guy Ray Charles--won EIGHT Grammys the other night. Sure, life's events are all about context. But give me a fucking break. You're telling me that Ray Charles would have won EIGHT Grammys if he were sitting in the audience, not seeing anything?

For some reason, we elevate the dead, recently deceased, or dying. We have no problem making an annual award a career award if we want. It seems like sort of an insult though, doesn't it? Either the work was good enough or it wasn't. I'd be insulted if people only gave a shit about me because I had just died. How do we tell kids who are starving for attention not to kill themselves when they see everyday examples like this of how you go from good to great, average to superb, etc. by going from alive to dead? Warren Zevon was dying of cancer a few years ago. The man hadn't made music anybody gave a rat's ass about for a couple decades. But he announces he has cancer, then announces he's recording a final album, a documentary of the album recording is done, he dies, he wins two Grammys. Death is a lot of things. But there is nothing about death or the onset of disease that makes someone's achievements inherently better. Or at least, it's not supposed to.

We have a real problem with credit. We all want it, are usually a little resistant to the concept of earning it, and way too accepting of the way it is so easily distributed. You either deserve it or you don't. If you die, you're dead. If you're dying, that sucks. And if you're Ashlee Simpson, nobody cares.

Song of the Day: "Half Jack"
Artist: The Dresden Dolls
Album: The Dresden Dolls
Lyric of Possible Relevance: "Two halves are equal, a cross between two evils,. It's not an enviable lot but if you listen, you'll learn to hear the difference between the halfs and the half nots."