Just a note before I begin. Last night, I saw a stripper with jack-o-lantern teeth, a guy with an Old Navy tanktop and a mullet talking to another guy with a Confederate flag bandana, and a goth chick line dancing to country music. I love Oklahoma City. On to the wisdom you've all been dying for real hard...
RAV,
So, fashion magazines are promoting the new European wine glass which is just a smaller version of the American juice glass. I'm willing to drink adult beverages out of anything but to be socially correct I'm not sure I'd use the new "in glass" cause it's only "in" if people know about it. How do you feel about drinking your wine out of a small juice glass?
Name Withheld
Wow, so this is the shit you guys are gonna e-mail me... Okay. Let me reach deep, deep, deep into my super GAY special place and see what I can come up with. I could certainly speculate about the difficulty of accurately ascertaining the rapidity of widespread social acceptance of cross cultural phenomena like the aforementioned "European wine glass". But I think I'd be missing the deeper issue of your question. It isn't really about how I feel about drinking wine out of a small juice glass. Shit, if I want to drink wine, I'd drink it out of a kid's sippy cup if I felt so inclined. The key term in your inquiry is "adult beverage". You're an adult. Drink your wine however the hell you want to. Don't be so concerned about what everyone else is thinking. If people give me funny looks while I'm drinking, one of two things is going through my head:
1. I have probably forgotten an article of clothing and am offending my guests. OR
2. This perrsonn is just jealoussus fos howww ffuckng cooooooolollio iama am.
The point my dear is that you will be much happier in life when you stop worrying about what the hell people think, especially when it relates to something as unimportant as your drink container. If you have to worry about these sorts of things with the people you're hanging out with, you are hanging out with ASSHOLES. Be comfortable with yourself, your drink, and your drink container.
RAV,
How long has the new Pope Benedict?
Name Mercifully Withheld
How long has the new Pope Benedict what? I could speculate, but I feel that all I could really accomplish is to say something offensive to my Catholic readers in an effort to impress the rest of you with my trademark wit. What I'll do instead is tell you that is that I expect more from a school teacher (who the author of this question is) than to submit an incomplete sentence as a question. It saddens me to think that you are at least partially responsible for the education of today's youth. God help us all. You suck. Now that you've been sufficiently humbled, please feel free to contact me again in the future about discussing basic English grammar. Just because you're a failure as a teacher and a person doesn't mean that the kids have to suffer. I can't help but be willing to help. I was born with this much love in my heart.
OR I could just say that my guess is that he's gone within five years. Just go with whichever response you'd like. Love you.
Dear Abby,
How do you stay "outside the box" without losing touch with society?
Name Withheld
First off, don't call me Abby. I prefer Shirley.
Secondly, I find that I am happiest inside the box. Hehehehe.
Finally, there's no need to be too concerned with staying in "touch with society". Society doesn't care about you or me nearly as much as you think. Just go. Fuck 'em all. Set yourself on fire, do it with a smile, and never look back. God, I'm inspiring.
That's it for this week. A good start, if I do say so myself. Keep the questions coming. Don't worry about them being bad. I'll let you know if they are.
Song of the Day: "The Latest Toughs"
Artist: Okkervil River
Album: Black Sheep Boy
Lyric of Possible Relevance:
"With ten thousand time-told truths, you've still got to ask for proof.
Ask for proof, because if you're dying to be led
They'll lead you up the hill in chains to their popular refrains
Until your slaughter's been arranged, my little lamb
And it's too late to talk the knife out of their hands."
Posts
things I get asked – part two: tattoos
-
I got a lot of tattoos – all but a few of them being text. I never set out
to have them like this, I just started liking how they […]
10 years ago
1 comment:
Dammit RAV!
Can you read jokes? Ah, maybe not, if they are perceived as incomplete.
Hmph. The question (rather brilliant in my HIGHLY educated perspective) is to be read as follows...
"How long has the Pope Benedict?"
The slacker, who typically is a one-glancer, would automatically assume it to be a sentence fragment.
However, if one were to think about it, the question would be read again as follows....
"How long has the Pope been a d***?"
16, RAV. 16 was to have been your final answer.
Apologies to the Catholics, fallen as you are.
Post a Comment